baby · motherhood

How having a baby helped me find myself

Before I fell pregnant, my life was very much a routine. I woke up, went to work, came home, had dinner and went to bed. This was just normality for me and I couldn’t imagine it being any other way. I left school half way through my A- Levels at the ripe old age of 16; I didn’t feel excited about any of the subjects I had chosen, I had no passion for any career, and therefore I felt like I was just treading water.
My mum told me about a receptionist position coming up at her work and encouraged me to think long and hard about whether I wanted to finish school, or get a job to earn money and gain experience in the workplace. I thought long and hard about it… and decided to apply for the job.
Luckily for me, only one other person was interviewed for this receptionist post. This same person also managed to offend the interviewing panel which resulted in the job being mine. Little old nervous wreck me. I am surprised I managed to get any words out during the interview as I was that petrified. So I left my A-Levels half way through, despite my friendly Media Studies teacher trying to persuade me to stay on as he felt I had potential. God bless you Mr Hargood.
9 years on, 5 different job titles later, I found myself sitting at my desk wondering whether it was acceptable to puke in the bin next to me. I was pregnant. [luckily for some, I have written a whole blog post on my pregnancy earlier on in the blog should you wish to read it].
Once I was on maternity leave I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I had days of being a couch potato, sipping on ice-cold fruity drinks with my feet up, catching up on my favourite TV programmes, which I didn’t mind; but, I eventually got bored and couldn’t wait for my baby to arrive so I could spend all my time doting on him/her.
I don’t think you can ever mentally prepare yourself for how much your life is going to change (for the better) when you have your first child. Eventually I was holding her in my arms and wasting away the days gazing down at her sleeping in my arms.  The first couple of months were a bit of a whirlwind, with no routines in place and just taking every minute as it came.
Soon enough, Heidi was at the age where she had a set routine of nap times and meal times. I was suddenly able to slow down. I utilized my time so that I could get the chores done while she was sleeping which enabled me to spend as much time devoted to her while she was awake.
Because she was having her set naps, I found myself with all of this extra time that I wasn’t used to. I spent a lot of them reading real life blogs (my favourite thing to do) and had the overwhelming urge to want to start writing my own. I have always been inspired by others as far as I can remember and always had the urge to want to do what other people are doing. Sometimes successfully, but a lot of the time unsuccessfully!
I had urges to do things that previous to having Heidi would never have interested me. Things like taking weekly trips to hobby craft to find things that I can make. I managed to successfully make an Easter wreath to decorate Heidi’s nursery with, but at the same time, I had a massive fail when trying to make my own mothers day gifts.  I have grown a passion for taking photographs, and treated myself to a new fancy camera. My excuse to the husband was that I needed good quality pictures of Heidi and our family; which is mainly true, however, I didn’t tell him it also had a selfie camera. Winner!
*Testing out the selfie cam obviously*
[Verdict – Just don’t take selfies]
*Successful Easter Wreath*
easter wreath
*Unsuccessful Geometric Memory Box for Mothers Day*
geometric pastel memory box
Going back to the blog, I really wanted to be able to document my life as a mum, whether people were interested in reading it or not, I liked the idea of always having the information there to look back on, should I ever forget. My first blog post was a pregnancy journal documenting the 9 months. I had no idea whether people would enjoy reading it but I was happy to have it written down.
To my amazement, I had such lovely feedback, mostly from my friends. I was told that they really were absorbed in the blog and some of them even read it twice. This was so lovely to hear, as before my blog, I have always felt like I didn’t have anything interesting to offer. I passed my GSCE’s with mediocre grades, but I truly feel like this was because I just didn’t have any passion on anything at the time.
Now that I have Heidi, I have so much passion and inspiration. I have a new lease of life it feels like. I don’t know whether this new-found lease of life entirely comes from being a new mum, as for all I know, it could be just from maturing to an older age; But… wherever it has come from I am not complaining.
I love having something to write about. And more importantly, I love the idea of connecting with others who may be going through similar situations as me. If I can inspire or share positive past experiences with anyone seeking it then I feel like I am doing something right.
I am interested to know whether there are any other mums out there that suddenly feel as if they have more to offer the world since becoming a parent, or have you hit your latter twenties and are inspired to try new things. Do you have a whole new list of hobbies? Mine are still growing, but at the moment I am so in love with writing, capturing moments on my camera, and occasionally trying my hand at crafting. To be totally honest – I’ve even started spending my time out in the garden weeding and planting flowers! I can’t be the only one……?
Now that I am back to work, it does give me less time to focus on my hobbies, but I try not to let it take the spark away. If anything, I am just so grateful to have my daughter and my husband by my side supporting all my crazy ideas and choices.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this blog post, please feel free to leave any feedback!
Charleigh x

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